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When I was a young girl, I was teased and told I was ugly all the time, but I didn't believed my bullies. I used to stand in front of the mirror and say, "I don't know what those kids are talking about. I'm super pretty!" In fact, I took so much pride in my own competency. Sure I had the nappy hair, but I didn't need a perm just to comb through it. Those girls were just lazy, in my opinion. After a while though, their taunts started to sting, but I would try to stay confident, so they would relent like so many adults said they would, but my confidence just made their remarks more hateful.
By the fifth grade, I thought I was butt-ugly, and I was begging my mother for a relaxer. By sixth grade I had a Wave Nouveau in my hair and still thought I was butt-ugly even when people would to stroke my hair and say it was so pretty. I would soak up this attention like a sponge, but my bruised self-confidence was still very low. I found out that people's positive and constructive remarks can not build you up if you hate yourself, but negativity will break you down if you let it. I also learned that physical beauty can never heal emotional wounds and internal ugliness.
By my freshman year in high school, my family was having financial trouble, and I cried when I found out I had to give up the chemicals. Now, looking back, I believe that this was God working everything out for my good. There was no way I could have a flourishing relationship with Him if I continued to hate myself, so He used my family's bad finances to remind me that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. As my natural hair grew from my scalp, it grew on me, and by the fourth inch, I was in love with it. I begged my mom for about a month to cut off all the chemically treated hair, and finally she gave in. Ever since then I have been natural and happy, but my family had some serious adjusting to do.
When my grandmother first saw my hair, she fussed for about the whole day. "That girl needs to put a perm in her head. She can't comb it. Don't look right with all that hair on her head!" My godmother said that afros were too black. Ironically, due to brain surgery, she can't wear relaxers anymore. My uncles would tease me saying "Girl it's 2004, afros outta style," but I think they're just mad because they're all bald. Thankfully, I did had family who supported me, my mom and stepdad, my bothers, and two aunts.
Initially, I didn't really care how much anyone hated my hair. I loved it, but my psyche took a huge blow after seeing my dad for the first time in about three years. He saw my hair, my skin, and my clothes and seemed completely disgusted with me. We were about to go to the grocery store, and I put on a jacket, and he said, "Eww, that is UGLY!" Then he fussed at me all the way to the store about my appearance. "Straight hair is the standard, and by wearing an afro, you are rebelling. That jacket you got on don't go with nothing. What are you going to do about your acne scars?" Then all of this was followed by, "I just want us to be a family." Well, that really helped the whole family aspect!
When my dad left, he would call, and our conversations would be about my hair. "Did you go to church today?" "Yes." "How did you wear your hair?" "In a fro." "Girl! You can't go to church with a fro! You didn't even straighten it for church?" Then he would talk about me being locked into a certain style, but he hadn't seen me in years! How does he know what my style even is? I tried to ignore him, but he always brought it up, as if my hair was a personal attack against him.
I finally found out why he disliked my hair so much when I graduated from high school. We were sitting in the kitchen having this four year old argument once again, and he said, "Raven, when I ride you about your hair, it's mostly out of selfishness. You see, I want my friends to be speechless when they see you. I want them to think you are hot and fine." All this he said with a smile as if it was supposed to make me happy. Instead it left me feeling like my dad thought I was something to be ashamed of because he thought I was just that ugly. Now I see that he was being shallow and old-fasioned, and I don't hold it against him because everyone has flaws, and if anyone claims flawlessness, that person is a liar.
While my family seemed to be against natural hair, everyone else seemed to like it. One day, I was walking through the grocery store sporting a loose wave fro, and almost every person I walked by looked at my hair and said, "That's nice." Now, I look around and see a lot of people sporting natural dos. I do believe we have started a revolution.
Raven Jones is a student a Georgia Tech. She has been natural since high school and will contribute pocketbook-friendly tips and tricks.
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